The Christlike Framework Every Man Needs to Lead His Family Well
By Joel Settecase / October 16, 2025
Introduction: What Happens Inside a God-Honoring Family?
How should members of a family relate to one another?
In a previous post, we saw that the household sphere is a biblical concept. The family is a God-ordained institution. It is as though we have been standing on the sidewalk in front of a house, examining it from the outside.
Now we need to go up the walkway, open the front door, step inside the house, and take a look at what goes on inside—or at least, what should be going on inside.
Piety: The Forgotten Virtue of the Christian Home
When we are talking about how family members ought to relate and behave within a family, we are talking about piety.
Piety is a devotion to one’s duty. As C. R. Wiley says, piety pays its debts. The New Testament Greek word for piety/godliness is eusebeia, which appears 15 times in the New Testament. Three key examples include:
1 Timothy 6:6 – “But godliness [eusebeia] with contentment is great gain.”
2 Timothy 3:1–5 – “...holding to the form of godliness [eusebeia] but denying its power. Avoid these people.”
2 Peter 1:3 – “...everything required for life and godliness [eusebeia] through the knowledge of him…”
The concept also appears in Romans 13:7:
“Pay your obligations to everyone: taxes to those you owe taxes... respect to those you owe respect, and honor to those you owe honor.”
What Does a Pious Household Look Like?
A pious household is one where:
Members take on God-given responsibilities
The family is rightly ordered—toward one another, society, and God
At first, this talk of duty and roles may sound cold—but in reality, such a household is filled with love, warmth, and joy. When a family functions according to God's design, its members thrive.
Three Kinds of Family Relationships
To explore the pious household, we examine three relationship orientations:
Inward Facing — between family members
Outward Facing — between the family and society
Upward Facing — between the family and God
This article covers the inward-facing relationships. (Future articles will address the other two.)
Inward-Facing Relationships: How the Family Relates Within
Marriage: Husbands and Wives
In Scripture, the cornerstone of the family is the marriage. The word husband comes from “hus” (house) and “bondi” (holder)—the householder, the man responsible for the household.
1 Timothy 3 gives us a picture of an ideal man, even though it's written to elders:
Manages his household well
Has children under control with dignity
Is “the husband of one wife… self-controlled, respectable, not a bully but gentle…”
For biblical descriptions of ideal wives, see:
Proverbs 31:10–31, 1 Timothy 2:9–10, Titus 2:3–5, 1 Peter 3:1–6.
The Drama of Marriage: Ephesians 5
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church…” (Ephesians 5:25)
In a pious household:
The husband plays the role of Christ
The wife plays the role of the Church
His leadership is self-sacrificial, putting her needs above his own. This is a reflection of Philippians 2:3–4:
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition... consider others as more important than yourselves.”
The husband is accountable to Christ (1 Corinthians 11:3), responsible to lead both wife and children.
Parenting: Fathers and Children
“Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” — Ephesians 6:4
Key truths:
The father is responsible for the child’s education and discipleship.
He is not a tyrant, but a joyful, self-sacrificial patriarch.
The wife submits willingly as a partner in the mission—not begrudgingly.
“Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction, and don’t reject your mother’s teaching…” — Proverbs 1:8–9
“Children, obey your parents in everything...” — Colossians 3:20
A Note on Slavery & Modern Work Relationships
Scripture also speaks to household relationships like master and slave (e.g. Eph. 6:5–9). While not addressed here in detail, these verses do have implications for modern employer/employee relationships. But since employees usually don’t live in the home, this lies outside the scope of this piece.
Call to Action
Men: Get Equipped to Lead
Fulfill your God-given calling. Build a household that honors Christ and stands as a testimony in a broken culture.
👉 Join the Hammer & Anvil Society
thethink.institute/society
Suggested Reading & Resources
Proverbs 31:10–31
Ephesians 5:22–33
1 Timothy 3
C. R. Wiley, The Household and the War for the Cosmos
Discussion Questions for Families
What roles do each member of your household currently play?
How can your family begin to reflect more of God’s design?
Where has piety been neglected—and how can it be restored?
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